The RA, Plastic Knob gave me a strangely shaped piece of paper, a little too long and a little too narrow (later confirmed to be known as A4) and a dodgy pen, claiming that it was my turn to be the hash scribe. So here it is, your Colombo Hash House Harriettes’ run report for Saturday, February 3rd, 2018.
The run was “Werry Good!” Gucci Cucci was the running hare with 30 runs and 4 hares.
Pants on Fire is getting lies from Spiderman at this point and both are declared Fornicators, though not with each other.
The walk was a bit lengthy at just over 6 km. The walking hares were Always Wet, with 7 runs and 1 hare, and Just Iru (filling in for Inspector Pussy) with 3 runs and 1 hare. Very impressive ratios Ladies, keep it up!
Returnees: Half Pint (with at least a pint of pear schnapps) and Seedless, who just so happened to holiday in Deutschland at the same time and met each other there with their respective spouses.
Guest: Just Rajeev (sp?) was made to come to the hash by Recycle Auntie and Tea Bagger. He spends his time advertising “somebody else’s balls”
Always Wet charged for wanking. She just couldn’t keep her hands out of her pockets all night. Then someone wearing fire-pants and Pants On Fire somehow got confused and were saved a down down by the distraction of Half Pint’s phone.
At which point we heard the financial advice from the RA about the young married couple who were honeymooning. The young groom was turned on to pay for sex and insisted paying his wife $20. This carried on for 30 years, always paying her $20 for sex until he lost his job. The husband was dejected. His wife was happy to report that she had been saving and investing the money the entire time and that they were now majority shareholders in a major bank with a million dollars in the account. The man started crying, but not tears of joy. He exclaimed, “Honey, if I had known what you did with the money, I would have given you all my business.”
Down Downs to Clitoria for making popular hash shirts, to Half Pint for returning with pear schnapps, self-nomination of Gucci Cucci for wanting pear schnapps, another hare Always Wet was feeling left out so she was rewarded with a shot for confirming that she is not circumcised, Gucci Cucci for some bullshit or another, CampBed was abused by Recycle Auntie for his dyslexia and she was punished with a down down. “NO NO, Recycle Auntie!” ON ON!
At which point we heard about Gertrude, Millie and Tillie sitting on the park bench when they were all flashed by a pervert in a trench coat. This caused Gertrude to have a stroke. Millie also had a stroke. But poor old Tillie was so feeble that she couldn’t reach him.
Anniversary: Half Pint with 31 years of hashing (and wearing a 30-year-old shirt)!!! 1194 runs and 113 hares.
Always Wet was warned again about her wanking, which reminded Seedless of the poor old man his friend worked for in the German retirement home. She caught him wanking in his wheelchair and scolded him not to do that. An hour later, he was still at it without taking a break. When she scolded him again, he replied, “If you had helped me earlier, I wouldn’t still be wanking!”
The Harriettes’ AGM will likely be somewhere down south 31st March – 1st April, including an April Fools’ run.
More Anniversaries: Clitoria 350 runs, 36 hares; Gucci Cucci 30 runs, 4 hares; CampBed 10 runs, 1 hare; Pants On Fire 10 runs, 1 hare.
Which reminded our RA of the nun who really had to pee when walking by a Hooters restaurant. She noticed that the lights went out frequently and all the people shouted wildly when that happened. She was pretty sure this wasn’t her kind of place, but really had to take a piss, so she went inside. The whole bar quieted down as she walked up to the bar and asked if she could you the ladies’ toilet. The bartender said yes, but warned her that there was a statue of a naked man in there, but not to worry because his genitals were covered by a fig leaf. She went into the bathroom and relieved herself, but before she came out the lights went out again and the whole bar shouted crazily. The bartender said, “Come up to the bar, Sister, you’re one of us now.” Being confused, she asked what he meant. He told her that the lights go out every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue.
Obnoxious nationalities nominations: Indians for being from India and no one heard about India in the circle until then? (I’m not really sure if I took bad notes or that was how nonsensical the circle had become at this point.) Sri Lankans for inviting the Duck of Edinburgh instead of the Duke, confusing lap dances with laptop dances, and knowing how to fix elections. Germans for not figuring out how to fix elections. Americans for the nonsense of the government shutdowns. More spurious charges against the Indians for large populations and recycling their aunties, but winning because there are too many positions in the Kama Sutra.